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I am a college student, if you use the box below I earn money to spend on Amazon to buy books. 7/04/2007
Schmoovecast #28 redux: The Time WARP
I honestly can't remember what this one was all about. German lessons. I was on Crook and Chase once and I still have mad love for Charlie Chase. Crafting. WE're all going to die. How do you meet people? How do you record skype calls? I hope it syncs up ok.
Originally published 11/5/06.
Originally published 11/5/06.
Labels: podcast, schmoovecast
posted by Leah at 7/04/2007 09:32:00 PM
2 Comments:
I typed this in my blog tonight after listening to your podcast...and since it is really a comment on your podcast, I thought I'd leave it as a comment here too!
I listened to a podcast tonight that touched on the subject of true love...if such a thing exists or if everybody is settling in one way or another. The only thing I know for sure on the subject is that everybody experiences love differently, and when you tell somebody you love them and they say they love you, those words do not mean the same thing to the other person as they do to you. And the next time you tell that person you love them, the words will mean something completely different than they did the last time. And you could go on for years telling that person you love them ten times a day, and every single time you say it, it will mean something different to you and to them...it will come from a different place in your heart or your mind or your body because for as limited as our language is, our emotions combined with our thoughts and our cells and our blood and our senses have limitless permutations. So if by true love you mean love that is unwaivering or shared equally or even mutually understood, I'm not sure if I think that's possible. I'm not suggesting lowering your standards, though. I don't think that finding and holding on to love is as much about settling or lowering your standards as it is about ditching your expectations. Love is like life in that no matter how much you want to plan it out, in the end you never know what is going to happen. You never never never know what is going to happen in the future, so go ahead and throw your expectations out the window now and save yourself all the confusion and pain and prejudice that comes along with trying create the future.
Well, I don't know how to record Skype calls, but I do think it's nice to note how much you and I agree - nearly word for word - on items like religion and politics. Okay, maybe it's more eerie. But whatever.
I have been thinking really hard about the true love bit. It's all about definitions, isn't it? You both spoke about "comprimising standards" and "settling" and "losing one's expectations" but they're not exactly interchangable, are they?
I see standards, in the dating world, as things that should never, ever be comprimised. A standard would be, "I will not date a man who beats me," or "My date should be able to read." Expectations to me are more like the qualities that we imagine our dream lovers to have - or maybe, not have, like: "My Prince Charming will have long, flowing locks - just like Fabio!" or "I will never, ever date another musician, so help me God." And here I agree with ol' Anonymous - you gotta just throw those out the window, because as soon as you make ultimatiums like that God writes 'em down in a little book and laughs, because he's planning on throwing you the exact opposite. :)
"Settling" has such an ugly and negative connotation to me. Is it not instead simply maturing, and realizing that those expectations (yes, the ones you should have thrown out by now) may not have been the best thing for you? That dress may look like crap on the hanger, but when you put it on it might transform you into a princess! And vice-versa; I've tried on plenty of outfits that were beautiful to behold, but when placed on my body became absolute dogshit. Is letting go of a desire for a particular something - and in doing so, discovering something else that's more wonderful than you could have imagined - to be considered settling? I don't think so. :)
As for defining true love, I can only describe what I've felt. I have loved; I love my mama (crazy as she may be), I love my brothers (crazy as they may make me), I love my kitty cats, etc. etc. I have loved a boy here and there, and lots of times that love hasn't been returned. Oh yeah - most of the time. I love my husband, and I do consider that to be true, romantic love. Not that crap from The Princess Bride, which is obviously not realistic. It's not soul-mate-y either, which is a whole other topic that I can't make up my mind on. If I had a soulmate, he is no longer around and that's too depressing to think about.
The love I feel for my husband is significantly different from any other love i've felt; I will spare you the iccky details, but the difference is what counts - and why it gets promoted in my book to True Love. It has everything to do with *mutal* love, respect, and happiness. It cannot exist on one side only. It is loving and being loved in return - maybe not always equally, in a nod to Anonymous, but it's always there. It is freedom to be yourself and accepted with all your strengths and faults as much as it is accepting the strengths and faults of the other (or, settling! HA!) We fight (but always gently; I've had worse fights with co-workers than I've had with my husband) and we have bad days, but we also tend to work it all pretty quickly. Maybe this is just what Dr. Phil considers a "healthy relationship" but to me, it's also True Love.
You and I have spoken before about everything happening for a reason and in perfect timing. I believe so strongly that both my husband and I were brought together at a specific time once we were both ready to handle it. In my case, if I had met him literally ONE DAY earlier, there was a good chance I would have screwed it up completely; that I could not have been entrusted with his heart, because I might not have appreciated it for the wonderful gift that it is.
Because we are so similar Leah - and I know that may be something I can say easier than you, as you are more open with your views what with the blog and the conversations with (the esteemed!) Dr. Gay, and I just have a few comments here and there - I hope that you won't take all this as condescending on my part. I also hope you're pardon the typos, bad grammar and run-on sentences. But most importantly I hope you'll find yourself nodding along with some of what I've said, and maybe you'll un-plan some of those long, lonely nights you spoke about. Jesus, I know right where you're at. I've been there and believe me, it gets better. Don't you know as soon as I got comfortable and damn near happy on my own, that's when Jim arrived. And as far as I can see you're on the same path; so if it's all about timing it's OBVIOUSLY the mysterious guy out there screwing things up. Ain't it always the way. :)
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